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+--- Thread: Jokes (/showthread.php?tid=11)
Jokes - Pip - 08-17-2026
A little three-year-old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up. The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book. But about every 10 seconds or so he puts the book down, grips onto to the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of the head with his right hand. His mother says: "Billy, are you all right? You've been in here for a while."
Billy says: "I'm fine, mommy just haven't gone 'doody' yet."
Mother says: "OK, you can stay here a few more minutes. But Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?"
Billy says: "Works for ketchup!"
RE: Jokes - Pip - 08-17-2026
A friend of mine bought a new car that sported an on-board computer. One Sunday morning when he got into the car to drive to church, the digital display lit up. Glancing at the readout, he chuckled at the announcement: "Time for service."
RE: Jokes - Pip - 08-17-2026
While shopping at the mall, my husband and I became separated. I went out to the car, but realized I didn't have the keys. I went back into the store where we'd been to look for him. The woman in charge of the carts smiled knowingly. "Finished before your husband I see," she said. "Well, I have three men waiting over there on the bench take one. It should all work out even at the end of the day."
RE: Jokes - Pip - 08-17-2026
"I'm going fishing."
Really means: "I'm going to stand by a stream with a stick in my hand all day, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
"It's a guy thing."
Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"Uh-huh." "Sure, honey." "Yes, dear."
Really means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"It would take too long to explain."
Really means: "I have no idea how it works."
"We're going to be late."
Really means: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"That's interesting, dear."
Really means: "Are you still talking?"
"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I can't find it."
Really means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."
"You look terrific."
Really means: "Please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means: "No one will ever see us alive again."
RE: Jokes - Pip - 08-19-2026
One day at home the phone rings and Joe answers it. On the other end is a confused woman who asks, "Who is this?"
"This is Joe. With whom did you wish to speak with?"
After a pause the woman says, "Did you just say whom?"
"Yes, I did."
"Then you're definitely not my son!"
RE: Jokes - The Rani - 09-11-2026
it's good to have jokes here.