Author Topic: Lack of undetrstanding  (Read 5608 times)

Fergus

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Lack of undetrstanding
« on: March 08, 2016, 03:22:45 PM »
One of the things I find most difficult when fighting anxiety is the astonishing lack of knowledge and understanding by people, including those in pastoral positions.

One of them said this a couple of days ago:

"And yet, for some of us, not to feel anxious would feel reckless and uncaring and wrong and we almost get kind of superstitious, some of us, in our anxiety like little children who, if I don't touch both sides of the door, the house is going to fall down. And anxiety is so much a part of many of our lives, it would be unthinkable to be without it ... we hold on to things which are ultimately hurting us and holding us back because in some way they serve us in another way. So that we can hold on to at least some of our anxieties because we need it in order to feel caring and loving and responsible."

In other words I'm only anxious because I choose to be and I'd rather have it than be rid of it. It's a long time since I was as angry as when I heard that. Not to mention demoralised. It seems to undermine and deem false all the massive amounts of effort I've put into doing things despite the anxiety in order to try to enjoy them, rather than avoiding them. It makes me think "why have I bothered?" and also "Am I really only anxious because of some unidentified pay-off rather than a real difficulty?" If the latter is true than most of my life has been a sham...


Amanda_George

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Re: Lack of undetrstanding
« Reply #1 on: March 08, 2016, 03:42:03 PM »
The person who said that to you should definitely stick it up their jumper!  I used to get panic attacks so this person was saying the same thing to others who get anxious.  Does this person know that you get anxious?  Whether they do or not, it gives them no right to make such a statement about all the people with anxiety!  In a pastoral role that applies even more I reckon!   :hug:
Money talks, chocolate sings!  :-D

May your life be as pleasant as you are.

Fergus

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Re: Lack of undetrstanding
« Reply #2 on: March 09, 2016, 06:58:26 AM »
Thanks, Amanda. Yes he does know my situation.

I was able to talk to him again yesterday and told him how what he had said had made me feel and he apologised.

He'd failed to make the distinction between anxiety disorders and specific worries even though he does seem to know the difference. Hopefully he'll be more careful in future. It did prompt a good conversation about anxiety in general so there was some good which came from it.

Amanda_George

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Re: Lack of undetrstanding
« Reply #3 on: March 09, 2016, 01:15:22 PM »
I'm glad that he apologised to you, Fergus, and that you were able to talk to him about how anxiety affects you and others!
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May your life be as pleasant as you are.

Pip

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Re: Lack of undetrstanding
« Reply #4 on: March 10, 2016, 09:30:31 PM »
This is the problem with depression that people don't understand the complexity of it or that someone can also suffer with other things such as anxiety, OCD or any combinations.

I'm glad your friend apologised.