Author Topic: Just saying hello  (Read 4746 times)

cavum

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Just saying hello
« on: August 27, 2015, 04:59:21 PM »
Hi I am Andy from south wales, I have suffered with depression & anxiety for about 23 years now, but for a big part of that I totally ignored it and pushed it away, now in the last few years it has come back to bite me rather hard, the last 2 years has and still is a complete nightmare.

Haven't been to Dr in over a year as I cant face going in there and sitting waiting with all those people, I like to be on my own, I get very anxious, nervous, scared with people, to the point that even when I do go out I am convinced that I am being followed & watched.  I used to be a happy guy doing things for others and never worrying about myself, now I can barely cope with going out the door.

Have had loads of counselling, my counsellor has recently told me that he fears I may be self-destructing and to be fair he is helping all he can, I just cant make sense of anything anymore.

Anyway there is a hell of a lot more I could type but as this is an introduction topic I had better shut up and just say Hi to everyone.

Andy

Amanda_George

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Re: Just saying hello
« Reply #1 on: August 27, 2015, 06:59:07 PM »
Welcome to the forum, Andy!
Money talks, chocolate sings!  :-D

May your life be as pleasant as you are.

Amanda_George

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Re: Just saying hello
« Reply #2 on: August 27, 2015, 07:33:31 PM »
Just a thought, how would you feel about being the first appointment of either the morning or after lunch and booking a double appointment so that there would be fewer people to wait with than normal and you aren't left feeling rushed?  It's good that you're seeing a counsellor... could he refer you to someone instead of you going to your GP?
Money talks, chocolate sings!  :-D

May your life be as pleasant as you are.

cavum

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Re: Just saying hello
« Reply #3 on: August 28, 2015, 07:20:20 AM »
Thanks for the idea Amanda, that is something I have considered before, however I don't have that much confidence (no that's the wrong word, trust is the word I'm looking for) in my Dr or anybody else for that matter.  Its kind of hard to describe but I'm actually very scared and afraid of people in general.  I never know what they are going to say or do & I get into a real panic.  I have been driving before now and if the same car is behind me for more than a few minutes I am convinced that they are following me & I take turnings that I don't need to take in the hope that they don't take the same turning and if they do I just keep doing it till the car behind has gone.  I'm actually seriously considering changing to another Dr's maybe in another town in the hope that it will help, I don't think it will to be honest, but I'm considering it.

Thanks for your kind words and advice

Andy

Amanda_George

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Re: Just saying hello
« Reply #4 on: August 28, 2015, 01:32:18 PM »
I know where you're coming from 'cos I'm the same!  Is your current GP surgery the only one in your area?  It's just that I think you have to  live in the same area as your GP surgery... some sort of catchment area or something?  Could you maybe have a search for other GP's in your area online?  If you're out in the middle of nowhere then you might be stuck, but if you live close to a town then there should be more choice? 

How would you feel about having a telephone consultation or putting it all into a letter to give to your GP?  That's what I used to do and you can say everything you need to say without worrying about any unexpected questions and you wouldn't have to face many people other than when you drop the letter off?  Make sure you put "confidential" on the envelope first though!

Could you maybe ask your counsellor for advice on how to cope with your anxiety as well?

 :hug: if you want it?
Money talks, chocolate sings!  :-D

May your life be as pleasant as you are.

stewart

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Re: Just saying hello
« Reply #5 on: August 28, 2015, 05:42:04 PM »
Hi Andy, welcome to the forums, I can understand fully where you are coming from,
I to hate being around people, and have even been kicked out of tesco once cos i started cursing and telling them they were a bunch of *&^&^* for moving stock around.

I see you say you have a support worker, that is a good thing, may i ask is it through MIND?
thats the department I have one through, and mine is a big help.
Without Love we are just a handfull of chemicals suspended in water

Pip

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Re: Just saying hello
« Reply #6 on: August 29, 2015, 08:55:33 PM »
 :welcome: Andy, I have suffered with depression for most of my life and for 23 years of it I didn't realize I suffer with severe depression.  I'm thankful that our surgery has moved to a new purpose built surgery which is spacious, light and airy.  It is hard living with trust issues so can empathise with you.

cavum

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Re: Just saying hello
« Reply #7 on: September 01, 2015, 09:21:20 AM »
Thanks for all the advice, apologies for late reply, I have been having internet issues for a few days.

I am hoping to move to a new property shortly in a new town a few miles away, so I'm holding off on the Dr thing till I move, then I can register at the new surgery and hope thing will be ok.

My counsellor was arranged through my Dr a few years ago, it was for an initial 10 sessions, but they kindly kept on seeing me on a weekly basis if I gave a donation to them (they are a private charity counselling service) It was hard at first, took me a long time to start to drop my "mask" that I wear constantly and actually open up to the counsellor.

Andy

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Re: Just saying hello
« Reply #8 on: September 01, 2015, 10:59:05 AM »
Yup, sounds like me a few years ago... will you be able to keep seeing your counsellor when you move or will you be in a different catchment area?

I hope the move goes OK for you and that you find a supportive GP in your new location!
Money talks, chocolate sings!  :-D

May your life be as pleasant as you are.

cavum

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Re: Just saying hello
« Reply #9 on: September 01, 2015, 12:38:15 PM »
Thank you Amanda.

I'm not sure about catchment area for my counsellor, that's something I will ask him about next time I see him.  I have been unable to see him for last 2 weeks as he is away on holiday  :( He has asked me to keep a diary of my thoughts & feelings during these 2 weeks, but its just so hard to do, as my feelings are changing constantly, from "ok" to "STOP THE WORLD I WANT TO GET OFF RIGHT NOW!!!!"

I do this thing where at stupid times of the early hours I just get this feeling of wanting to get away, and I just jump in my car and drive, I have found myself in all sorts of places, it feels good when I'm doing it, but soon as I get somewhere the horrible thoughts and feelings are right back with me.

So running away don't seem to work either, although it sounds such a great idea.  has anybody else ever done this or is it just me that feels like packing up running away and never coming back is the answer to everything??

Andy

ps - Sorry if my posts are all over the place, but that's kind of how I am, I can be fine 1 minute, the next minute I just feel so empty, alone & not needed by anyone.

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Re: Just saying hello
« Reply #10 on: September 01, 2015, 04:37:31 PM »
We're not qualified counsellors on this forum, but if it would help to talk until you see your counsellor again, I for one will always listen to you!  I may not be able to offer advice but I will understand where you're coming from as will so many others on the forum I reckon!

I understand about wanting to get away from your mind... I used to walk or get the bus to wherever it took me whenever things got too much for me.  Do you stay local or do you go further afield in the car?  Have you thought about investing in a SatNav thing if you go further afield so that you don't have to worry about getting lost and not being able to find a way home?  Are you near a bus stop or anything?  Sometimes it helps to go wherever the roads take you sorta thing?

I want and need you now that I've started to get to know you!

Money talks, chocolate sings!  :-D

May your life be as pleasant as you are.