Just registered

[MaryK]

H
I am new to this site and never usually post anywhere, so please bear with. I'm in West Yorkshire, having lived overseas for a couple of years. It wasn't my choice to go, and leave my daughters and dog and a job I was more than happy in, but I did.  Having been depressed in the past, I was desperately down and homesick and was prescribed fluoxetine. Eighteen months later, I had a flight booked to return home so took myself off the meds because life was going to get so much better I thought.  That was last November. Oh, and my mum died while we were away.  She passed away on the morning of my flight home to see her. Since January the black dog has returned and seems to want to stay. I have nothing to be miserable about, being back where I want to be. But I am. Desperately. I spend most of my waking hours in bed, feel anxious and negative when I am awake. Everything seems pointless. I have no job, don't feel I could handle any responsibility. I miss my overseas work friends, in reality we will only meet again once or twice in our lifetimes, if that. I am reluctant to contact my friends here, being such a misery.  One "good" friend (a nurse) I did mention my feelings to has avoided me like the plague from that day on. So here I am, offloading to complete strangers. Sorry to sound like a self centred whinger, my poor dog is the only other soul who will listen without advising me to cheer up. Thank you to anyone who read this

[Pip]

Welcome Mary,

That's terrible a nurse has avoided you, she should have been supportive if only to encourage you to see your GP.  Unfortunately there is still the stigma with depression.  We do underatand so you are posting in a safe place.

[Sweetpea]

Hello Mary and welcome to the forum, you are not alone here.  We understand what its like to suffer with depression.  I have felt as you do now, I struggled to get out of bed and could not function.

Have you been to see your gp? Maybe you should see him/her and get some help.  If you cannot get to the surgery request a home visit.

I am sorry to hear that your friend is now avoiding you, depression still has such a stigma, many people suffer but find it difficult to talk about.

x x

[MaryK]

Thank you Pip and Sweet pea for your replies.  After writing my original post I had a bit of a meltdown, with a fair bit of slamming and shouting, followed by tears.  This isn't right. I have been desperately trying to avoid seeing a gp and facing the fluoxetine side effects again, but am beginning to think that can't be worse than feeling like this. Might ring the surgery in the morning. Thank you again xx

[Sweetpea]

caring  for you.  There are many other medication options, if you do not want to take the same one.  Please let us know if you can how you get on with your dr.

We are here for you.

x x

[Pip]

I understand how you feel.  I have suffered with depression but was very good at avoiding that I did.  Eventually I had a major meltdown in 2005 so saw one of the GPs at the surgery.  He was great and took me seriously.  At the time I didn't want medication partly because I have been suicidal over the years and tablets were always my choice.  We compromised that I would try medication for 6 months.  During that time we moved and I felt like a zombie as I was on a high dosage.  I went to the new GP who didn't believe in depression let alone giving prescriptions for anti depressants.  It was another 3 years before I went t another doctor who prescribed Citalopan which worked for a while.  I'm now taking Sertraline which has helped.  I had cellulitis in my right leg for several weeks then we had to put one of our dogs down due to bone cancer last Friday.  Sertraline has helped me through bad times.  Of course we are all different so if you see your GP he / she may suggest you trying something else.

[MaryK]

Hello everyone
Following your kind replies I called our gp surgery this morning, and was seen this afternoon, to my great surprise.  It was really difficult explaining how I felt to the doctor, but he was really kind and understanding. He advised antidepressants or CBT. I opted for the latter, and await a phone call from the therapist. I will in the meantime be sticking with St John's Wort and 5HTP in the hope that they will make a difference. One big thing he did stress was for me to knock off the alcohol (I confessed to averaging half a bottle of wine a day). That's going to be hard!

[Sweetpea]

That's so good to hear.  Do you know how long you will have to wait for the CBT?  I personally did both, medication and CBT.  I also had counseling with MIND.  My CBT was done with them too.

Hugs x x

[MaryK]

Hi Sweetpea
I'm not sure when it will happen, my dr advised I see him in three weeks time. He thought by then I may have been contacted by someone.  I have no idea what's involved - I'm hoping it will be a one to one conversation, the idea of opening up to a group would be too scary.

[Sweetpea]

I hope it is one to one for you.  Its good that your gp is keeping an eye on you.  Depression in s a very hard illness and we often feel very alone.  Thats why this forum is so nice, we can talk freely with others that I understand.  Its hard for others to realise what we are feeling.  Its also very hard to put it into words.

  x x

[MaryK]

Well, I feel better just for having found this forum. And you gave me the kick up the rear that I needed to get help, so thank you!
 

[Sweetpea]

Aaaahhhh bless you. Sometimes just knowing we are not alone helps to give us the courage to seek help.

X x

[stewart]

Hi Mary, welcome to the forums.
sorry to hear of your loss on the mornibg of your flight, ,ust have made it very hard for you.

depression sure is a bad place to be, and as much as some people hate them, meds are often the only thing that can help in any way.
and if one med does nothing for you, let your doc know, as there are plenty around they can try individually or in combination.

[MaryK]

Thanks Stewart
Yes, that flight wasn't the best, and as for the guilt..
  I'm also questioning my decision to try therapy on its own. The least things today are just too much to deal with...new puppy, the energy company recorded message, both of which have just been shouted at.  OMG I am such a bitch, I really don't like the person I have become
Sorry, you probably didn't need to be told all of that

[Pip]

I'm glad you saw your doctor.  It is hard to talk about how you're feeling but any decent doctor will take the patient seriously.  I've done CBT online as we tend to be busy so I was able to do it online.  It did help with regards to anxiety / panic attacks but it didn't help with the root cause of my depression.  Fortunately I have good support from people I know online.  It's worth doing though as it helps with day to day life.

Mind you puppies can be hard work and it's like having a toddler in the home.